Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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