just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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