Need sex. Gaining weight.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize