Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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