There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
