I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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