I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
