Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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