I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
