Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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