We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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