guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
