Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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