my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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