I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
