his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
me + whiskey = a bad person
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
