Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
