do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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