the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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