Sponge bath it is.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
4 words: hood of his car
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
We had sex on a dog bed..
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize