I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
farters have to be the big spoon...
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
