How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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