sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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