Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
