Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
