He asked to "fluff my boner.."
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
