He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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