The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
