She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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