White coat. Heels.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
