yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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