i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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