I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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