Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I would ride that face into the sunset
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
