out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
