they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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