Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
