whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
