Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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