I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
