i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I checked into jail on foursquare
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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