3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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