You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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