Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
