We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
should my penis look like a turkey
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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