I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize