accomplished twins. life is a go
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
