I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize