I smell stomach acid.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
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