we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
