can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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