I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
