Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
that is very illegal...i love you.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
