just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
it's like iHOP with fire
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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