There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Randomize
