I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
