I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
where does the pee come out of this thing
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
They took my balls.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
