Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
They have beer where we have blood.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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