I met the friendliest cop last night
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
