Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
