Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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