How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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