i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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