I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Never underestimate the power of titties
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize