Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
