the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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