y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
