maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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