I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
