You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
