Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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