And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
