Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
