I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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