So drunk its hurt
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
