I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
