i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
