i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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