bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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