Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
