the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
