I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Green mimosas i think yes
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
