there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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