i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
