I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Sorry my hands just texted you
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
