I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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