Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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