Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
