I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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