I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I just want to make out with him forever
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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