The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
