My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
