I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
My breath smells like gin and sadness
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
