when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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