just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
