oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
