I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
