she looked like the bat from fern gully.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize