It's like God shit irony all over that family
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
