STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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